


If You Let Go, I'm Going to Fall

by SomeSuperHero



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cutting, Depression, F/M, Married. Couple, Suicide thoughts, Why did I make Tonks bi? Dunno, werewolf-ism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25044568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeSuperHero/pseuds/SomeSuperHero
Summary: Just a depressing fic... First time writing Lupin/ Tonks
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	If You Let Go, I'm Going to Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry.  
> Comments, Koudos, and criticism welcomed

It was a dark and stormy night, but that didn't stop Remus from turning into a wolf. It just made Tonks want him back more, as she laid on the sofa, listening to the radio. He never allowed himself around her during this time, potion or not, but she knew where he was- in a hallowed out tree at the end of the property. 

Tonks turned away from her sell, quiet home. _Why do emotions hurt so much,_ she thought, twisting her wedding band on her finger. The last time she hurt this much, felt this alone, was when she had a crush on Barba Wright in her fifth year. Still, this wasn't about Tonks, this was about Remus. 

What if he hurt himself? What if he was depressed, but didn't tell her so she wouldn't get upset? What if.... What if he killed himself?

Both Muggles and wizard-kind knew about suicide, and but, and pain, and the numbness they tried to block out. They knew that restraining thoughts and feelings only increased the justification of taking their own lives.

Tonks sat up, crying now, and reach over to the radio, clicking it off. Trudging to her bedroom, she thought of the reasons why Remus would want to kill himself. He was happliy married, stable job, nice home....

She collected clothes and folded beside the door, remembering when her dad attempted suicide, last year, from jumping out of the attic window, like a Muggle. 

Okay, maybe she was getting ahead of herself. After all, he seemed happy. Tonks wiped her snotty, teary face, like a five year, with the back of her hand, and crawled into bed.

-————–––––—

Remus blinked awake, curled up in a Cypress tree, and took a stiff mintune to draw out into the hazy sunlight, which poked through clouds. He wrapped the quilt Tonks had gotten for him long ago and wrapped it around his waist. Stiff and tired, he staggered to his home. As he pulled on his clothes, he wondered why it didn't smell of breakfast like it usually did, when he got home from a rough night, getting worried.

"Honey?" He asked, poking his head in various rooms. "Hon-" His lovely wife was in bed, sleeping, looking like a wreck and quite beautiful at the same time. _Guess it's my turn to have a go in the kitchen,_ He thought, going back into the kitchen and grabbing a frying pan .

The eggs were made, and once Remus started the bacon, he felt thin arms wrapping around his waist. Remus smiled."Hello, there." 

He turned, haven just flipped the bacon, and she looked up, her ear against his chest. Remus hadn't noticed this before, but under her eyes was a bruised color and her eyes (a sad blue, today) were bloodshot. "I know ,Remus, I look like hell, but so do you," She said, as if she was going to cry again. 

"What's wrong," he asked, flicking his wand at the stove to turn it off. She didn't answer at first, but pushed herself deeper into her dear husband's chest. "I'm just being emotionally tired." 

Tonks stood on her tippy toes to kiss him, to distract him, but he put his hands on her shoulders. "No, no, there's something wrong. Did something happen?" 

She shook her head. "No, nothing happened. I just thought of something last night... Do you... Era, ever want to kill yourself, Remus?"

Remus shook his head. "No, life is brilliant, Tonks. I love it. Sunshine, and, you know, stuff... Why? Do you?"

The question caught her off guard. "No, I love you." Remus sighed. "That's not what I asked. Do you want to kill yourself?" 

Tonks said nothing., but then broke out into tears. "I hurt, Remus. I would say I'm sorry, but that isn't true." Remus enveloped her into a tight bear (wolf?) hug, and ran his fingers through her mousy pixie cut. "You don't need to be sorry, Tonks....Are you going to tell me why? I won't be angry, you know?"

"You can't keep your feelings locked up."

She whimpered, feeling all sorts of guilty. "Yes, I can."

A minute passed. "I don't know why, Remus, but it hurts. In here." Her nimble fingers brushed against her heart. "And it has for a very long time now. Even when I do the things that used to cheer me up: hiking, reading, being an Auor, hanging with the Weasleys, but it doesn't work.... Now, I understand what my dad felt when....." She turned, gabbed a peice of greasy bacon, and ate it, so she couldn't see the possible anger or hatred. Munching on it, she added,"Please, don't hate me." She turned back to him, and she put his hands under her ears to kiss he gently. 

"I couldn't possibly hate you, Nymphadora." Tonks nodded, and he kissed her forehead, too. She pulled away and went to sit on the sofa, while Remus made plates. Tonks grabbed the tiny radio and said,"I tuned the radio to pick up Muggle stations... They have very odd taste in music." Remus set down the plates on the coffee table.

"Still, kinda interesting, I guess." Tonks grabbed her plate. 

"Listen, Tonks, can you please, promise me something? I'd miss you too much if you accidentally hit something important, so promise me, don't cut yourself. And if you feel like you want to, tell me. We'll talk about it. Even if you don't know what to say, or even know why. I love you way too much to lose you." 

Tonks bit her tongue. "But-" 

"Promise me." 

Tonks nodded," Okay." She leaned on Remus, the dried cuts on her the back of her legs flourishing with a stingging sensation.


End file.
